


The Shower Situation

by Letterhead



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Smut, Season 3, Smut, Virgin sheldon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2020-07-26 01:48:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20035873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Letterhead/pseuds/Letterhead
Summary: Shameless smutification of The Adhesive Duck Deficiency





	1. Slippery

He'd hung up with the Thai restaurant the moment he heard Penny's eardrum shattering scream. It didn't take a genius to ascertain she was in grave need of assistance, though his apprehension at doling it out increased as he passed through the layers of her apartment. 

She wasn't at the door.

She wasn't in her bedroom.

No, she was in the bathroom, in the tub, _wet_. Her nude body was partially covered with her torn shower curtain. Her fairly transparent shower curtain. 

"It's my shoulder, I think it's broken," Penny cried, holding one hand out to him. "You'll have to help me up." 

"Penny, it is highly unlikely that you have in some way broken your shoulder," he sniffed, attempting to look anywhere but Penny's body. "I would hazard a guess that you dislocated it in the fall."

"Whatever, Sheldon, just help me up!" she insisted, sounding a bit frantic. 

The process of lifting Penny from the tub became a tricky one, a bit of a puzzle really. Every way he attempted to move her while preserving her modesty caused her to cry out in pain, which of course was bad. Not only did Sheldon not wish to cause Penny more pain, he also did not appreciate the threats to his person when she was agitated. Eventually, Sheldon had determined that the curtain must go, else he could not get enough leverage to lift her. 

"Try not to look, okay Sheldon?" Penny begged as the curtain slipped away. 

"Believe me, Penny, I am trying,” he replied uneasily, eyes cast above her head as he groped about attempting to hoist her up. Sheldon found leverage and began lifting her, but not before Penny began to squirm. 

"Sheldon! Hold me around the waist," she warned.

"I..." Sheldon struggled as he lifted her from the tub. "I am attempting to!"

"That's my _ass_, Sheldon!" 

"Guh..." he breathed out, his hands flexing against the slick skin of her posterior. "You're... wet."

"Yeah, shower duh." Penny lifted herself higher in his arms by wrapping one of hers around his neck.

"Right, obviously. Just..." Her adjustment nearly caused Sheldon to drop Penny as she slid against his body. "Making an observation." Out of his peripheral, Sheldon could see the tops of Penny's breasts pressed against the logo of his Batman shirt. He found himself stilling, gaze focusing down on them. His erection sprung to life against her, trapped between them.

"Oh my god, _Sheldon_!" Penny raised her voice. "You're looking! I thought you were like, asexual!"

"Jokes at my expense, I assure you," he grimaced, adjusting her further in his grasp as he moved them to the door. "This is an unfortunate circumstance for you to find out I am anything but." 

"Well that changes things..." Penny murmured thoughtfully as Sheldon carried her to her bedroom. He settled her down on her unmade bed, then quickly averted his eyes. 

"H-how so?" 

"Well, I always assumed you weren't available," she said. "Either way, I need to go to the hospital, which means I need clothes. Underwear, shorts and a shirt."

"Where do you keep your underwear? You seem to have absolutely no organizational method for your clothing," he grumbled, peering about the chaos of her room.

"That drawer, top left one," Penny directed him.

He did so, opening the drawer to find a bounty of lacy underthings. His throat instantly dried. He picked up a pair at random, the red silk dangling from his finger tauntingly. 

"Not those! Something comfortable." At her insistence, he dropped the silky thong and fished out a pale pink cotton one instead. Did this woman own anything other than thongs? 

"Will this do?" He held them out, befuddled by the scant material. 

"Yeah," Penny stretched on the bed, wincing as her shoulder was jostled. "You'll need to... to help me get them on, sweetie." 

Sheldon nearly dropped the garment. "Help you? Why? You cannot manage that alone?" Heavens above!

"I can't move my whole arm, Sheldon! How am I supposed to pull them up?" she countered, brows drawn together in consternation. "Listen, please don't make this harder than it is. Just help me." 

"I shall endeavor to assist you speedily," he replied quietly, moving towards her while still trying his best to avoid looking at her naked body. 

"Hold them out for me to step in, okay?" 

"F-fine." He did as he was told, holding them out and stretching the material for her, all the while he stared at her ceiling fan and determined it was in need of a dusting. Honestly, Penny's entire apartment needed a good clean.

Sheldon felt her wrap an arm around his neck again, stabilizing herself as she stepped in. He held his breath, waiting for her to let go. 

"Okay, pull them up," she told him, and he lifted his hands up, not entirely sure where they were on her body. Penny's fingers moved from the collar of his t-shirt to his neck. He stopped short. 

"They..." Penny said quietly, her arms tensing around his neck. "They need to go higher up."

"Oh." He could feel her warm skin beneath his knuckles as he hesitated, then he gave them a sharp tug. Penny gasped harshly, then whimpered as her fingers dug into his neck.

"Not that h-high, Sheldon," she murmured breathily, her face reddened. Sheldon similarly colored as he realized her reaction was from the pressure he inadvertently placed against her gusset. Mortified, he eased her thong down and stepped away, clenching his hands and attempting to breath. Penny fell back down onto her bed.

"Shorts and a t-shirt, please." Penny commanded quietly. "Top and middle drawer on the left."

"No... ah... brassiere?" he inquired as he collected said articles of clothing. 

"Sheldon, I'm going to the hospital. I think it'll be fine." 

He shook his head. Penny was so odd. "If you're certain." He placed her clothes on the bed and turned around, attempting to give her a modicum of privacy. It occurred to Sheldon then that there was absolutely no privacy to be had, as the mirror over her vanity gave him a clear view of her struggling to put her shirt on, and good gracious she was still topless and _why couldn't he look away?_ Her breasts were... were arresting his senses. 

"Ughn," Penny whined as she struggled to get her good arm in her shirt. "This is impossible! I'm... I'm gonna need help for this too, damn it!" 

Sheldon quickly looked into a corner, not wanting to get caught looking at her reflection. "You do? I mean, of course." He moved over to her side again, not exactly sure where to look. 

Penny handed him the shirt. 

"Help me get it over my head and over my bad arm," she said, and he began the attempt with caution. Over her head was easy, but her arm. It was a struggle. 

"Penny this is..." 

"Sheldon, just grab my elbow and slip it through." 

"Alright," he agreed, attempting to locate her elbow while gazing at the top of the curtain rod above her bedroom window. What he located was decidedly not elbow feeling. Instead he had a soft handful of something he was trying his hardest not to look at. 

"Is that my arm?" Penny gritted out. _Oh lord. _

"No, I don't believe so," he replied uneasily, unsure what to do. He flexed his fingers ever so slightly, and he felt Penny shiver. 

"Then let go!" she growled. Sheldon released her... her breast, then moved in the direction he assumed her elbow would be. His fingers grazed something. He heard Penny moan, possibly in pain. His eyes shot down to her, seeing in that moment that it had not been pain. He'd brushed her nipple, and she was currently flushed and quite... quite sensual looking. 

Until she noticed that he was peeking. 

"Look away and _help me!"_

He looked away, scowling a bit. "Obviously I am attempting to help, but those two things are not conducive to one another!" 

"Oh, for the love of God!" Penny exclaimed, yanking the collar of his shirt down so forcibly that he couldn't help but look down. 

Her chest was heaving. 

"Look for all I care," she almost dared him. "But please, just help me..." 

She began to look a bit misty. Oh. 

"Penny, there is no need to become hysterical. I... I will help you put your things on and then take you to the hospital." He tried his best to sound reassuring, trying to tap into that wonderfully assured tone Penny used frequently. He also tried his best not to gawk at her as he slipped her elbow into the sleeve of her t-shirt, grateful that he could see what he was doing. 

"You're going to drive?" Penny had a kind of watery smile, like her good humor was chasing away her anxiety. "Do you even have a license?" 

"Believe me, if there were an acceptable alternative, I would not be driving." Sheldon helped Penny stand again and aided her in stepping into her shorts, this time taking care to only pull them up enough so that they could be fastened. "But it seems I shall have to dust off my... my learners permit." 

"Permit?" Penny burst out with a laugh, a laugh that devolved into a moan as he struggled to button her shorts. Dear, dear, dear...

"Yes well, I hardly have any reason to drive. The permit was simply a convenient way of acquiring a third form of identification," Sheldon explained breathily, finally slipping the damnable button through the hole and taking his hands away from her. The whole ordeal was possibly the most intimate he had ever been with a woman, and it had been with Penny. What in the world would become of this?

"Time to go to the hospital," Penny frowned. Sheldon could only grimace as he trailed behind her. 

-

The drive had been a simultaneously slow and yet perilous journey on the freeway. Sheldon knew he was a horrible driver, knew he should never touch a steering wheel again, _but thou must_. It was as much a call to action as he would ever get. 

Penny indeed had dislocated her shoulder in the fall and had been put into a sling after being readjusted by a nurse. Now, with painkillers in hand, the two headed back to the apartment. Penny hadn't even asked; she'd simply followed him into his apartment and slumped into a chair. 

"Pills," she whined, making grabby hands for him. Sheldon rolled his eyes at her antics and set to get her the medication she required and a bottle of water. 

When he handed them over, she was giving him such an intense look as to make him avert his gaze again. She could be so intimidating sometimes. 

Sheldon sat in his spot, anxiety filling him as she quietly took her medication and settled into her seat. 

She was lounging in the chair by the sofa, one leg over the arm and looking pensive. Sheldon couldn't help but be reminded by the thin material of her t-shirt that she had forgone a brassier. What a bizarre day. 

She was looking straight at him, too.

"So..." she drawled, looking at her nails. "You're not asexual, is that right?" 

"That is... correct," he answered cautiously. What was she getting at? Was now the time for his dressing down? Any man would have had a difficult time avoiding glancing at her body. 

"Why is this the first in hearing of it?" Penny asked. "The guys always say you don't have a deal and you never correct them." She smiled then, a little like a wicked cat. "You totally have a deal, though. You love helping a damsel in distress?" 

"Absolutely not!" Sheldon replied, if a little too hastily. "That is not at all true." 

"So, it's me then?" Penny smirked. "I'm your deal?" 

Sheldon looked away, glancing at the window and blinking. He didn't know quite what to say to that, so he just stayed quiet. 

"Good to know," Penny said finally, and it felt almost like a threat. Good god, what was she up to?

Only time would tell. 


	2. Sudsy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A laundry accident leads to a first for Sheldon.

When the guys returned from their desert adventure, everything seemed to go back to normal... at first. 

But the tension between Sheldon and Penny could not go unnoticed. 

Stolen glances, nearly imperceptible flirting, and of course, there was Penny. 

_Big'ol'five_ Penny who loved to tease Sheldon. 

So naturally the guys were becoming suspicious, and Leonard in particular was frantic.

"Where you off to, Sheldon?" Howard asked. It was Saturday, how could anyone possibly not recall what day it was.

"It is laundry night. I am going downstairs to do laundry with Penny." 

"Is that code for something now?" Howard leered. 

"Yeah, are you going down there to make hot and steamy monkey love to Penny?" Raj giggled. 

"No, no he's not!" Leonard's voice almost sounded shrill. "There will be no monkey love, right Sheldon?" 

A pause, as Sheldon rolled his eyes at the collective idiocy of his social group. 

"No, _obviously_," he replied stiltedly, turning towards the door and leaving. No, there would be no primate intimacy, only good clean laundering fun. 

When Sheldon reached the laundry room, it was to find Penny precariously attempting to pour detergent into a cap with one hand, almost about to spill the whole container all over the machine and its contents. 

She didn't seem to notice him come in. 

"Penny, please be careful!" Sheldon warned. His warning had the opposite intended effect, as he startled Penny into dumping at least four times the required amount of laundry detergent into the open machine. 

"Sheldon! Ugh, I had it!" Penny shouted indignantly. 

"Obviously not..." he murmured to himself. "Shall I attempt to remove the excess detergent, Penny?" he asked a little louder.

"Nah," Penny slammed the lid of the machine down and set it to work, ignoring his cringe. Adding more detergent than necessary was a bad habit he wished Penny would break, but this time it had just been excessive. 

"How is your shoulder faring, Penny?" he asked, once he set about doing his own laundry in a careful and practiced manner.

"Oh, it's doing better," she rolled her shoulder for effect with only a minor grimace. "The doctor said I should be able to go back to work in a few days..." She then smiled deviously. "As well as resume other, more _adult_ activities..." 

Sheldon's hand twitched as he finished getting his own load of laundry started. 

"Penny, I hardly think that is necessary information to pass along to me." 

"Oh?" she asked innocently. "I thought you would want to know." 

"No," he grit out. "I have no use for that information." 

"Aww," Penny pouted, leaning against her rattling machine. "Come on Sheldon, let me flirt with you a little, you weirdo. Most guys would be over the moon to be flirted with." 

That stung a bit. "Well, ‘most guys’ are not constantly on the verge of a monumental scientific breath-through," he countered, crossing his arms and staring her down. 

Which was a bad idea.

Penny was holding his eyes, smiling coquettishly and playing with the ends of her hair. The sling on her other arm was just a reminder of how... intimately they had gotten to know one another. 

"So, geniuses don't enjoy getting their rocks off?" she asked, and Sheldon tried desperately to ignore the way he filled with pride at being called a genius. Bah, it wasn't as if he didn't already know that. It was just... 

Nice to hear. 

Wait...

"'Rocks off'? Penny, I'm a theoretical physicist, not a geologist." 

Penny rolled her eyes. 

"It means, you wackadoodle, getting your freak on, taking a one-way train to pleasure town..." at his blank expression, she continued. "Sex, Sheldon." 

Well, that... that...

"I do like trains..." he murmured, more to himself than anything, but Penny apparently found that extremely amusing. She dipped down and guffawed in laughter, slapping her leg and accidentally bumping her shoulder against the machine. It stifled her amusement and she released a breathy sound of pain. 

"Penny, you must be more mindful of your injury," Sheldon advised her sternly, walking over to her machine. 

"It's fine, just bumped. It's all bruised and stuff still, so..." Penny looked up at him, and it was then Sheldon realized they were perhaps a little too close to one another. 

"Hey," she said softly. "If my flirting is bothering you, just say so. I know I can come off pretty strong but... that's just... that's just how I flirt." She smiled a little, but it didn’t particularly look like she was happy. "I know it's not for everyone, so-" 

"Penny," Sheldon interrupted, looking behind her at the machine. Columns of bubbles were spewing out of the lid and building up behind Penny. "Penny, your laundry!"

"My wha-" Penny turned, then yelled as the bubbles built up higher and higher. "Crap, crap! I need to fix this!" She reached for the machine lid and began to open it.

"No, don't open it!" Sheldon warned, but it was too late. The bubbles that had built up in the machine now had somewhere to escape.

Right into Penny's face.

"Crap on a -" Her words were swallowed as a sea of soapy water escaped the machine and sloshed out onto Penny. She was utterly doused. 

"Penny!" Sheldon cried, reaching out to pull her from the splash zone of detergent. Instead, Sheldon felt the treads of his shoes falter as he slipped and began to fall, his hands still reaching for Penny. 

"Eek!" Penny began to fall with him, dangerously angled with her injured shoulder to the ground. Sheldon grabbed hold of Penny in earnest, attempting to shield her from falling and injuring her shoulder once again.

Sheldon landed with a sharp and painful exhale of breath as the wind was knocked out of him, Penny on top of him with her hand pressed painfully into his sternum. Bubbles were still pouring out of the washing machine above them, raining down suds until all Sheldon could see was foamy lavender-white. 

And _Penny_, Penny perched above him breathing heavily. Her body pressed against his. His hands once again on her waist, holding her. 

Why was this happening lately?

"_Oh my god_," Penny gasped. "Are you okay?" 

"Perfectly fine," Sheldon groaned in reply, attempting to sit up. He released Penny so he could prop himself up but there was no leverage to be had. Instead, Sheldon only succeeded in slipping back down supine with Penny still on top of him. Now, though, she was giggling at him. 

"There is nothing amusing about this, Penny," he scowled, watching as she continued to laugh openly at him. Bubbles were collecting on the top of her head and her shoulders, and a whimsical thought occurred to him that she looked almost like a snowman. 

He cracked a smile. 

"Yes it is!" Penny laughed, clutching onto the front of his now soaked shirt. "You're even smiling!" 

"An involuntary response, I assure you," he breathed out, attempting to restrain himself. 

Penny simply looked at him and snorted inelegantly, slapping his chest gently. He couldn't help but laugh then, she was acting so ridiculous! 

His laughter apparently surprised Penny, for she stilled and gazed down at him, her humor giving way to... to something he didn't quite recognize. 

"Penny?" he asked. In reply, Penny dipped down close, her nose nearly colliding with his as she captured his stunned lips, kissing him with a gentle curiosity that had his skin tingling and blood singing.

It was his first kiss. 

Penny released him, eyes hooded and dark looking as she continued to clutch him. 

_"Penny?"_ he asked again, this time a breathy whisper. 

"It... it was an involuntary response..." she murmured before returning to kiss him once again. 

This time Sheldon was prepared, prepared to be an active participant in his own life. Sheldon wrapped his arms around Penny tightly, pulling her closer against him as Penny worked over his lips in a practiced way. It felt as if he needed to clutch onto her for dear life.

She has him gasping in moments. 

One of his hands migrated towards her wet hair, feeling the crinkle of suds popping as he gripped her and held on. Penny was exploring him and making him feel alive for possibly the first time in his existence. 

Sheldon was trembling beneath her, completely subject to her power, a willing captive of her attentions. 

"Yes," he hissed between kisses, mindlessly agreeing with her decision to roll against him. She was so sensual, bringing pleasure through to every point of contact they shared. 

He didn't want her to stop. Sheldon had never felt like this before.

The laundry room door opened.

"Jesus Christ!" the intruder shouted, which Sheldon recognized to be the gruff voice of their building manager. 

Penny released Sheldon's lips quickly, almost guiltily and sat up, pressing against Sheldon's lap in a way that did not help matters at all.

"Oops?" Penny said in an overly sweet manner, one that made her in no way seem innocent.

Sheldon covered his eyes with his hands and groaned. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two chapters are something I've had on the back burner for a while. Inspiration struck and now it's a four-chapter smutty romp. Hope everyone is enjoying so far!


	3. Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny and Sheldon get cleaned up after their laundry accident.

Once they managed to get themselves off the slippery floor, the manager had immediately laid into Penny. There was talk of damages and eviction, but Sheldon would have none of it. It was easy to convince the oafish man that it had been his own mistake, of course a neat freak would add too much detergent. 

Sheldon was willing to take the hit. It helped that the manager was petrified of him. Sheldon was not an easy tenant to deal with, that was no secret. People generally did not wish to be on Sheldon Cooper's bad side. 

On his actual side, Penny was leaning against him as they made their way back upstairs, their shoes squishing and their clothing dripping with every step they took. At the fourth-floor landing Penny tugged him towards her apartment, silencing him with a smile when he opened his mouth to question her decision. Instead he allowed her to guide him inside, into the apartment that had brought Penny and he dangerously close just weeks before. 

"We need to clean up, huh?" Penny asked him coyly, slipping her sandals off at the door. Sheldon followed suit, shivering a bit as her AC hit his wet body suddenly. 

"Yes..." he replied slowly. "But Penny, my things are across the hall. Is there any particular reason you brought me to your apartment?" 

Penny smiled to herself, then began stripping off her baggy laundry day pullover, throwing it towards him. 

Sheldon caught it with a startled _eep_, watching in curiosity as Penny slowly stepped towards the bathroom.

"We should take off these wet clothes before we get sick, right?" Her suggestion was so thickly layered with innuendo that even Sheldon picked up on it. It made his skin tingle and his heart race; he didn't know if he was ready for this... whatever this was. 

"It is possible it that the lower body temperature could make us more susceptible to illness, but it is..." he faltered, watching as Penny untied the drawstring of her shorts. "It is..." 

"What is it, Sheldon?" Penny looked back at him. "And are you coming, or what?" 

It was a choice, a moment of opportunity where indecision could not interfere. Sheldon did not have days to prepare, to research, to consider the possibly ramifications of this. All he had was this choice, to follow Penny into the bathroom or to go home. 

Sheldon followed Penny down the hall.

Once they were both in the bathroom, Penny slowly pushed the door closed behind him. The soft _click_ of the lock being turned made his heart jump in anticipation, even though he knew how unnecessary the action was. They are alone, after all. Hardly any need to lock the door. 

But the excitement was more pronounced than his nitpicking. 

Penny turned to him and slowly began working her wet clothes off, tossing each sudsy piece towards him once she'd freed herself of everything save her brassiere and panties. He stood by the door, laden with soppy clothing as he gazed at Penny's body and considered his options. She was... Sheldon considered Penny one of the most aesthetically pleasing women he'd ever seen. 

Yet Sheldon was... Sheldon. Himself. For the first moment since grade-school, Sheldon felt his confidence dwindle. His ability to be the smartest, the most well-read, the quickest witted... it paled now, now that he was alone with Penny. She was the most experienced in this room, she knew the most about sexual intercourse and pleasure. She exuded confidence and grace, while he...

He was sure she could tell he was a virgin. 

"Are you just going to stand there, Sheldon?" Penny asked, tilting her head to the side. 

"N-no, I shall... remove my wet clothing," he said, though he wasn't quite sure he believed himself. Instead, he deposited her things into the hamper and anxiously tugged on the hem of his shirt, anxiety at exposing himself to her experienced eyes began to creep in and stall his movements. 

Penny placed a hand on his chest.

"Do you want to do this?" she asked calmly. "It's alright if you don't. We don't have to move so fast..." Penny was being so kind, so understanding. 

He didn't want to disappoint her. 

Sheldon removed his wet thermal and t-shirt then placed it into Penny's empty hamper, determined to remember that he was depositing his clothing there. He would not have Penny launder them herself, for obvious reasons. 

He then removed his tartan trousers, thankful that they were not his wool pair. Those were also placed in the hamper. 

"I..." Penny was staring at him, openly gawking at his unclothed skin and biting her lip, as if she were sizing up something to devour. "I suppose I should catch up." With ease borne of frequency, Penny's brassiere came off in seconds, then her panties, which were both haphazardly tossed towards the direction of the hamper. It was honestly a wonder that either article landed inside. 

And Penny was naked again. 

Sheldon didn't quite know what to do. His hands felt like lead weights at his side as he gazed at the curves of Penny's body, wondering if he was missing some sort of social cue to act or say something particular. Nothing was presenting itself, nothing was occurring to Sheldon to say, so he determined the only thing left to do was strip off the last vestiges of his modesty and divest himself of his briefs. 

Penny stepped forward the moment his fingers touched the elastic. 

"I'll do it." Penny softly placed her fingertips on his abdomen, letting her nails ever so gently scrape him as they moved down towards his briefs. The movement had him stilling, unnaturally so, as he waited patiently for her next movements. Penny's fingers bypassed the elastic of his briefs, sliding down the front seam of the garment until her questing fingers found their apparent target. She gripped him through his briefs, smiling in triumph as he inhaled sharply, and his body instinctually accommodated for the blood flow to his nether regions. Then she _squeezed_ him. 

_God in heaven_, this was too much!

"Penny, I f-fear that if you continue to t-t-touch me in this manner I will be unable to r-reciprocate," he struggled to utter, his breath coming out in harsh pants as she worked him. Penny merely smiled, taking one of his hands in hers and moving it towards her body. 

"You'll do just fine," she assured him, placing his slack fingers on her inner thigh. "Touch me while I touch you, sweetie." 

Sheldon attempted to follow her directions, his mind glazing over as Penny touched him through his undergarments. He knew what he should do, inexperience did not mean idiocy. He'd had access to the internet since high school, there was practically a cornucopia of sexual factoids around every digital corner. 

Sheldon located Penny's clitoris and began to stroke it, immediately feeling how slick she was with arousal. He understood the female form in a clinical sense, the transudate lubricating Penny's vulva was a natural response to sexual excitement, however, it was the response her body elicited in _him_ that was a surprise. 

Sheldon moaned as he moved his fingers over her body. 

"Oh, that's p-perfect..." Penny whimpered, sinking onto the plane of his chest. She slid his briefs down his thighs and freed his erection, her hands hot and gentle as she grasped him. 

"Penny...!" Sheldon cried, attempting to stifle a shout as she began working him steadily. It was so good, too good. 

He wrapped an arm around her to steady himself as his arousal became dizzying. 

His fingers, still working patterns on her clitoris and labia, jerked slightly as Penny's fingers worked him to confusion. His index finger sank into what he could only gather was her channel. 

Then it was Penny's turn to moan aloud. Her head rocked back, eyes dark and beautiful as she displayed her pleasure. 

Sheldon sank his fingers deeper, again and again. 

In and out, in and out, slick heat that rhythmically beckoned his digit back inside once again. Penny reacted with delight every time his fingers moved within her and her head was beginning to tilt to the side dreamily. Sheldon was surprised, not that he was pleasing Penny, but more at how absolutely incredible it felt to him. He could imagine it; he could imagine the warmth around him bringing him to orgasm as her soft hands were at that moment. He could imagine the movements of his finger were instead the movements of her on top of him, plunging down to connect them again and again. 

Then Penny squeezed his glans, and her channel tightened suddenly around him.

It was his undoing. 

"Penny, I- uhhnn!" He shouted his release in the echo of the bathroom, feeling almost distantly as Penny eased into his arms. It felt like his body was burning from his brainstem to his toes, liquid fire moving through him as Penny gently pet him and cooed nonsense. 

Almost comically, Sheldon could clearly understand why his roommate and friends seemed overly obsessed with acquiring sexual partners. It was enlivening to the extreme. 

"Did you like that?" Penny inquired softly, resting the side of her face against his bare shoulder. 

Was it appropriate to describe in detail how every nerve ending in his body seemed to radiate with pleasure? Perhaps not. 

"It was exceedingly pleasurable," he replied, his voice sounding odd and a bit raspy. He cleared his throat. "Did... did you also achieve a... a satisfactory conclusion?" 

Penny's smile dipped down at the corners, a clear sign - at least in Sheldon's understanding - that she was displeased. 

"Yeah," she agreed easily, but it sounded a bit stilted. 

"Are you certain?" 

"Well, it’s... it’s not the most important thing in the world," she amended rather casually, attempting to brush off the fact that she had not also reached orgasm. 

"Obviously, that is a hyperbolic statement, however it is my understanding that individuals who share sexual relationships do so to bring mutual pleasure to one another. It would be remiss of me to leave you unsatisfied." 

Penny looked up at that, smiling crookedly. Her fingers were toying with the sparse hair on his chest, making him feel just a hint of the ticklishness he once had as a child. 

"Yeah?" She leaned deeper into his arms, moving one of her legs slowly up to his hip. "Sheldon, you are _full_ of surprises." 


	4. Warmth

Sheldon returned to 4A wearing Penny’s Hello Kitty bathrobe and her ill-fitting slippers, his hair still damp from the shower. Everyone in the apartment turned to look at him as he entered.

“H-how did laundry go?” Raj asked, blinking as he took in Sheldon’s appearance.

“It was abysmal,” Sheldon replied coolly. Sheldon held off from twitching. It wasn’t a lie; laundry _had_ gone rather poorly. His laundry was still being tumble-dried in the nearly flooded basement, and Penny’s laundry had almost been completely ruined. It was entirely unrelated to the particulars of their whites and darks that after the horrendous laundry debacle had been the single most satisfying moment of Sheldon’s life.

Sheldon was certain no one need know of that.

“W-what are you wearing, Sheldon?” Leonard’s eyebrows scrunched together behind his black-framed glasses. “I mean, that’s Penny’s robe… right?”

“Yes, obviously this is Penny’s bathrobe, Leonard,” Sheldon retorted stiffly, walking towards his bedroom with determination. Speaking with Leonard was the last thing Sheldon wished to do at that moment. He was too busy reveling in the afterglow of his intimate exchange with Penny and enjoying the surprisingly soft material of her bathrobe. He would stay in the robe a bit longer if he didn’t absolutely detest being so unclothed around guests.

The scrutiny he was receiving was less than pleasant. He also needed to dress in appropriate clothing before he could venture down to the basement to retrieve his laundry.

“But what does that _mean_, Sheldon? You’re wearing it!” Leonard stood from his chair and followed Sheldon down the hall, much to the taller man’s chagrin. They both stopped at the threshold of Sheldon’s bedroom door.

“It means…” Sheldon hesitated, briefly considering being frank with his roommate about the realities of his situation with Penny. He and Penny were… friends with benefits? No, there was no assigned arrangement of such. Lovers? Well, that was perhaps a bit overdramatic. It was useless, then, to attempt and quantify what he was experiencing with Penny until they had a moment to discuss it.

_“When you come back over tonight, I’m going to…”_ Then Penny had whispered the most vile and debauched thing Sheldon had ever heard into his ear. Until that moment, he’d never known you could blush down to your toes before, but Penny’s teasing was proving to be… biologically illuminating. It made him shiver just to recount.

“It means that Penny, as usual, added an ungodly amount of laundry detergent to her machine, which resulted in the partial flooding of the basement and my clothing being utterly soaked,” he explained, looking past Leonard and to the wall behind him. Why wouldn’t Leonard just… just go away?

“Leonard was still frowning, a crease between his brows as he stared at Sheldon in suspicion. “But why are you wearing _her_ bathrobe? You could have just come back home and showered here.”

_Drat_, Leonard was right for once. Well, Sheldon needed something to placate the man. The last thing he wanted was a kerfuffle over Penny. He did not wish to lose Leonard as a roommate or friend.

Because, naturally, Leonard would lose any game of choice between Penny and himself. After what they’d shared… there was absolutely no contest.

“I was dripping sudsy water, sudsy with the foam of Penny’s cheap detergent mind you, at an alarming rate. Half my body touched the basement floor in an unfortunate fall. Do you honestly think that I wanted to track that into our apartment when Penny’s is perpetually dirty?” Sheldon scoffed, crossing his arms over the ridiculously fuzzy material of his borrowed bathrobe. “In all honesty, my tracking through there likely upped the cleanliness factor by a significant margin.”

Leonard didn’t say anything for a tense, quiet moment. Then suddenly he smiled, as if with the flip of a switch. That dopey smile that had Sheldon feeling slightly bad about his half-truths and near-deceptions.

“Oh, okay,” Leonard finally agreed, turning to re-join the guys in the living room.

Sheldon sighed wearily, then entered his bedroom.

This was not going to be a simple matter. Not in the least.

-

Sheldon had never felt more like he would die more than the exact moment he was experiencing.

He was half lying on Penny’s uncomfortable couch, eyes screwed tightly as he gripped the sides of the cushions and attempted with a fierce desperation not to beg for Penny to return her lips to his penis.

His restraint was nearing critical failure. He absolutely needed Penny to return to her expert ministrations.

“Come on, Sheldon…” she whispered seductively, her voice seeming to coat the air with honey.

The Patriots were playing against… some other team, it hardly mattered on the television in the background. The murmur of the sportscasters creating an ambient din that swallowed his quiet moans.

They had slipped off together under the guise of watching football together. No one else enjoyed ‘sportball’. It had been a perfect ruse that required absolutely no lying.

“No…!” he insisted through gritted teeth, his hips betraying his desperation as they angled his erection towards Penny.

“Say it…” Penny urged with a smile, tapping the head of his erection with her index finger in a torturous tease.

“I…” Sheldon groaned. Why was he protesting? He _should_ beg her, plead for her lips. They were magnificent.

He supposed he was just naturally stubborn like everyone had always insisted.

“I will never give up…” he uttered harshly, cracking his eyes open to watch Penny. She was sensual and gorgeous, wearing a nightgown that did hardly anything to conceal her body. The smirk on her lips sent a streak of madness through Sheldon. He wanted those lips, _now_.

“Oh?” Penny asked him casually, leaning over his lap more, the soft cotton covering her breasts brushing against his naked thigh. He could feel her breath against his groin. Her lips opened slowly, as if she were anticipating his girth. His spine tingled and his toes flexed.

_Please, please, please…!_

“Are you sure?” Penny whispered, and Sheldon swore he could feel her words against his shaft.

“No!” he admitted frantically. “No, I’m… not sure…”

Penny gently stroked his inner thigh, and it broke him. She was far too excellent at her seduction.

“Please…!” Sheldon gasped. “For the love of god, Penny!”

“Please what?” Penny asked him sweetly, grasping the base of his erection and almost aiming it towards her lips. What was she asking him?

“Please… fellate me?” he whimpered. Penny shook her head, a few tendrils of her long blonde hair tickling his thighs.

“Please, Queen Penelope?” he asked, confusion etched onto his face. What was she asking him to do? His brain wasn’t functioning at full capacity!

“Please…” Penny blew a stream of cold air onto his erection, making him tremble. “Please suck my cock.”

“I…” Sheldon shook his head, baffled for a moment. Suck her cock? Wh… _Oh_.

“Please suck my c… cock, Penny,” he begged properly then, his voice nearly cracking. He had no time to feel ashamed for she began to lower her lips.

“Gladly,” Penny replied sunnily, kissing his erection then taking it into her mouth slowly, lighting every inch of his body on fire as she engulfed him. “Mmm…” she moaned as she began working him, her vocalization vibrating his member until Sheldon felt he would scream.

“God, god yes!” Sheldon cried out, reaching blindly for any part of Penny he could hold onto. His fingers tangled in her hair, accidentally tugging her down further until Penny reflexively swallowed around him.

“S-sorry, _god_!” he attempted to apologize, but his voice only came out in a short gasp.

Penny smirked around his erection, looking every bit like a predator, before she took him deeply again, repeating the movement again and again until Sheldon was tugging at her hair, unsure if he was pushing her away or pulling her down farther. A litany of unacceptable words was spilling from his open lips as he peaked, felt himself release inside her mouth as Penny worked him.

It almost felt like he blacked out briefly.

Sheldon came to with his fingers still tangled in her now messy hair, Penny’s cheek resting against his thigh as she smiled up at him. She was… so…

He felt the peak of his pleasure even out into a warm blanket of harmony. A comforting haze that had the notion of telling her he loved her or something similarly ridiculous seeming just slightly less so.

Instead of spilling his guts inelegantly, Sheldon disentangled his fingers from her tresses and tentatively stroked her head like he might a small animal, luxuriating in the calm of simply being with her.

Earlier, he finally understood the draw to sexual intercourse of any kind. It was breathtaking, overcoming, indescribable. But this? This moment as he stroked Penny’s hair as he’d always wished he could, as Penny rested against him, it wordlessly justified and made Sheldon jealous of intimacy. Of every hug he’d turned down and every offer he’d shot away. At every advance Penny had made in the past towards him that he had pretended not to notice. He’d… he’d missed out. A _lot_.

“Did you like that, sweetie?” Penny inquired softly, still gazing up at him.

“Yes, I…” Interrupting him were the cries of the sportscasters, and they both turned their heads towards the screen to see as a Cooper Rush from the Dallas Cowboys fumbled miserably.

“Idiot!” Penny seethed, sitting up on Sheldon’s lap.

“Remarkably incompetent!” Sheldon agreed, grimacing at the poor showing of sportsmanship.

Both surprised by the others investment in the game, they looked back to one another. Sheldon saw in Penny something he hadn’t seen before, a kinship that he’d never noticed but they’d likely always had. Penny saw it too, for her expression shifted into one of ardor. She prowled up his chest and linked her arms around his neck, kissing him half on the mouth and half on the cheek.

“I feel like I should be surprised by how hot I find you,” Penny murmured into his ear before blessing the skin below with another hot kiss.

Sheldon wrapped his arms around her soundly, inadvertently sliding his fingers under her nightgown and feeling the tantalizing expanse of her nude back.

“That… ah…. Doesn’t particularly sound like a compliment,” he replied breathily, already feeling the stirrings of his arousal again. It was inconceivable; he could usually only pleasure himself every few days at most, but Penny was an expert at exciting his interest in sex.

“You’re right, it doesn’t…” Penny replied softly, reaching over to rifle through her purse. Her fingers dipped out of view then returned with what could only be a latex condom packet.

It was more than enough inducement to beg.

“Please,” Sheldon pleaded softly, gipping Penny’s hips tightly.

Penny tore the packaging off and removed the condom, coy smile on her lips.

“You don’t want your compliment?” she asked, a faint giggle coloring her voice.

“No, I want…” Sheldon couldn’t finish his request, didn’t need to finish it as Penny was already doing as he wanted. His face flamed and his eyes screwed shut as he felt her roll the condom over his erection.

“I know what you want, sweetie,” Penny whispered, her mirth gone as she gazed down at him from her perch above.

Sheldon felt her sink down onto him, her thighs clamping against his hips. His eyes couldn’t stay closed, he had to be witness to his own… deflowering.

“Sh-Sheldon,” Penny hummed, stilling as she seated herself fully. Sheldon anxiously fisted the fabric of Penny’s nightgown that had bunched around her waist.

A charged moment passed where neither of them did anything, said anything at all.

“What do I do?” Sheldon finally asked, feeling a faint prick of shame at his inexperience. “I don’t know what I should do.” It was a difficult thing to admit for him. Sheldon Cooper always knew what to do.

Penny placed one palm on his chest, the other gently cradling his cheek. Her eyes spoke volumes to her desire.

“Let me love on you.” Penny began to move, rising up and releasing his erection from her warmth excruciatingly slow, then seating herself again in a way that had heat flaring up Sheldon’s spine. He gritted his teeth against the sudden and overwhelming pull to release.

“A-alright,” Sheldon agreed, letting his head thud back against the arm of the sofa as Penny rode him and… loved on him.

-

That evening, Sheldon Cooper did not return to his apartment for bed. An unspoken understanding washed over the scientists at 4A. The only people seemingly unaware were the two lovers themselves.


	5. Envy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sheldon makes the wrong descision, but thankfully makeup sex can fix everything.

Four friends sat in the living room of 4A, eating their Chinese and easily discussing… something, Sheldon wasn’t certain. While Sheldon was typically spearheading any and all discussions, his mind was more pleasantly engaged at that moment. Unbeknownst to him, the rest of the group was hyper-aware of Sheldon’s inattention, keeping the conversation going casually as they all observed his slow movements as he ate, the frequent checking of his cell phone, and the way he smiled faintly ever so often.

“… what do you think, Sheldon?” Raj asked, a quirk of his brow the only indication that he was equally asking as well as attempting to rib Sheldon for his… daydreaming.

“It’s absurd,” Sheldon replied coolly, blinking and looking back to his friends. Raj, Howard, and Leonard all looked at him with varying expressions that he couldn’t particularly place. Ah, what had they been discussing? Was what he’d said not appropriate?

“Thank you.” Raj looked quite smug, glancing around to the other guys. “See, Sheldon agrees with me.”

Sheldon’s only response to that was to murmur intelligibly, unsure what he was agreeing with.

“Well, I think it’s a great opportunity,” Howard countered, cracking his fingers. “I have a veritable stack of napkin numbers I’ve been meaning to cold call. Any number of them might agree to be my date to this thing.”

“Thing?” Sheldon repeated stiffly, holding his open water bottle in his hand but forgoing a sip. What _thing_?

“Were you not listening, Sheldon? The charity party. We’re being asked to bring dates.” Leonard reminded with a small smile, almost as if he were mocking him. Well…

“I was, obviously, but I fail to see how this would be described as a _thing_. It is not an _object_, more of a… get together,” Sheldon retorted pedantically, attempting to catch up to the topic of conversation. Ah yes, the charity party the faculty was being forced to attend. Was it not enough that attendance was mandatory, but now they were being required to bring dates? His inadvertent agreement with Raj had been accurate after all. It _was_ absurd.

“I can’t think of any woman I could comfortably ask…” Raj frowned, setting his container of take-out down. “I mean, it’s next month. How am I even going to talk to her without being absolutely plastered?”

“Psh,” Howard scoffed. “Who said anything about talking to her? That isn’t the goal of this. From the Dean’s perspective, he wants more people to throw some coin into the coffers and make the school look good, and from my perspective…” With a lecherous grin, Howard reached for his backpack and withdrew a stack of varyingly stained napkins, all from different bars and clubs.

“God, Howard, please tell me you don’t keep those on you all the time?” Leonard groaned, grimacing at the stack as Howard fished out his cellphone.

“The sanitary concerns alone…” Sheldon nearly gagged.

“You think I would leave these around where my mom could accidentally throw them away?” Howard laughed, flipping open his phone. “I’m not crazy.” He then glanced down at the stack of napkins, flipping through them.

“Yes, well, the jury is still out on that…” Sheldon murmured derisively.

“Well, who are you going to ask, smart ass?” Howard frowned.

“Who _are_ you going to ask, Sheldon?” Leonard reiterated. 

“I…” Sheldon paused, finally taking a sip of his water to hide his indecision. Who would he take? He’d never brought a date to a faculty function before… As if conjured, unbidden from the depths of his imagination, Sheldon imagined escorting Penny on his arm. She’d wear some unbearably attractive dress, expertly carrying non-academic conversations with her vast array of pop culture knowledge and easy wit. She’d smile at all the right times, make sure he had something acceptably prepared to eat, and then… Then they would return home, to her apartment of course. Her cheerful smile would curl into a catty grin, and they would lambast the absurd and unbearable people that always happened to be at these types of functions, Sheldon tearing apart their idiotic credentials and Penny artfully mocking the failures of their aesthetic.

Then they would… they would rut like touch-starved animals. On the sofa, against the kitchen counter, on the floor; the location of their copulation hardly mattered, as Penny’s apartment was kept exceedingly clean due to the likelihood of them ending up in those places. Pah, Sheldon Cooper did not lay down on unvacuumed carpet, regardless of how much Penny pushed.

Sheldon would need to inform Penny soon, despite the slight anxiety that bubbled up at the prospect of doing so. She would need adequate time to… _shop_.

He was already reaching for his cell phone, fully prepared to alert her via text message when he caught Leonard's curious gaze. Sheldon hadn’t answered their inquiry.

And he… he couldn't.

Sheldon couldn't bear to hurt Leonard. Not simply because there was a clause in their Roommate Agreement that prohibited such violence, but because Leonard was… weak, squishy, vulnerable. Sheldon could not in good conscience hurt him, even though he so wished that this situation could be simple. More than that, he knew, he didn’t want to be the center of the group's attention, the butt of their disdain and mockery.

“I… Gablehauser has requested on numerous occasions that I escort his sister, a professor of anthropology I believe.” Sheldon theatrically shivered at this pronouncement. “And though I have no true desire to be in the woman’s company, it would be in my best interest to ingratiate myself with him.” 

“His sister?” Leonard took his glasses off, cleaning them with the hem of his shirt. _Disgusting habit_. “Really?”

“I… I see no alternative,” Sheldon replied definitively.

“Hmm…” Leonard replaced his glasses on his face, still looking curiously at Sheldon. “Well, I suppose I’ll bring Penny.”

Sheldon had not a moment to gauge his level of jealously, as Penny chose that inopportune moment to barge into the apartment as was her wont.

“Take me where?” Penny asked with a tilt of her head, looking decidedly underdressed in her typical shorts and tank top fare.

“Some charity event at Caltech…” Leonard began, his voice petering off as Howard began speaking into his phone loudly.

“Is this Jessica? Dave? Well, if Jessica becomes available, could you let her know…” Howard frowned, then looked at his phone. “Damn, he hung up.” Shrugging his shoulders, he picked another number and began to dial.

“A charity event? Like a party?” Penny’s eyes lit up, perhaps at the chance to shop for a new dress or shoes or something, but then she looked over to lock eyes with him, apprehensive and confused. “And you’re going to ask me, Leonard?” Penny asked almost the entire room, her gaze still locked on Sheldon. Tensely, Sheldon stood and turned toward the kitchen, busying himself with cleaning the already immaculate counter.

“Uh, yeah,” Leonard finally agreed, his voice strained. “I mean, if you want.”

Sheldon hazarded a glance over at Penny, whose cheeks were red and eyes looked glassy. “Yeah, Leonard, I guess that’s fine.”

Fine, she said, she _accepted_ Leonard.

With once last, now angry, look at Sheldon, Penny turned and left. “Text me the details,” she threw over her shoulder just before the door to 4A slammed.

Raj came into the kitchen, grabbing himself a drink from the fridge. “Man, you fucked up.”

Sheldon turned towards the sink, viciously attacking invisible mildew in the corners with a sponge. Yes, it seemed he had “fucked up” as Raj so ineloquently put it.

He just hoped it was an easily remedied fuck up.

-

It was days before Sheldon had the time to test his luck with Penny.

He knocked on the door to 4B with a hesitancy he hadn’t known before, unsure if he should expect her wrath or… or what.

Penny answered the door, then immediately spun back around, leaving him at the threshold of her apartment alone.

Holding back a retort, he went inside.

“What do you want?” Penny asked rather rudely, shuffling a few magazines together at the coffee table. Really, now was no time to suddenly develop a desire to tidy.

Sheldon went to her side, awkwardly shuffling next to her. “Penny, are you angry?”

“Angry that you didn’t ask me to be your date?” she laughed, and the fact she could find humor in it rankled him endlessly. “Please.”

Sheldon crossed his arms. “Then why are you still acting like this? You have yet to answer any text message I have sent to you, and it had been three days that you have ignored my presence at the other side of your door.” Taking a page out of her playbook, he chuckled with a false smile. “Honestly, you’re acting childish, Penny.”

“I’m acting childish?” Penny gasped with disbelief, abandoning her busy work and throwing her hands up in the air. “Look who’s talking! You are so desperate to hide our relationship from your friends and Leonard that you would rather go on a date with an anthropologist, and I know how much you hate the ‘softer’ sciences.”

“Who told you that?” Sheldon scowled. “Was it Leonard?”

“Yes, it was Leonard. Considering as he’s taking me to this thing, we’ve started talking a little more.” Penny frowned.

Sheldon didn’t know what he was feeling, just that it filled his every cell with what felt like rage… “Getting back together, _again_? Penny…” he sniffed scathingly. “When will you learn?”

Penny’s face contorted in anger. “Get. Out. Of. My. Apartment!” She pointed harshly towards the door. “You don’t have a right to act like a jealous idiot. According to you, we’re not a couple, so act like it and get out!” She pushed him towards the door, opening it up for his unwanted exit.

But all Sheldon had heard was ‘jealous’.

“I’m _not_ jealous of Leonard,” he insisted coldly. He could never be jealous of Leonard.

Penny shook her head. “If that’s really all you care about then… then go. Don’t text me, don’t call me, and don’t come over for any reason. Just… don’t.”

Sheldon froze in place, prepared to vehemently deny her accusations but… the disappointment in her voice, it was paralyzing.

With one last small shove, Penny had him out the door and closed it with a harsh click in his face. Left out in the proverbial cold.

He had indeed fucked up.

-

Days turned into weeks, into nearly thirty days without seeing or hearing from Penny. Not that he wasn’t still painfully aware of her, her laugh as it tricked down the stairwell to his ears, the machine full of her clothes that were already running when he arrived on Saturday evenings, the jingle of her keys as she got home from work or… elsewhere. Each reminder that she was no longer in his life was absolutely painful. The sexual frustration was one thing, an expected side effect when a relationship of a more physical nature was cut off suddenly, but the physical feeling of… of emptiness that accompanied her absence was surprising. Sheldon wanted to speak with her, not of anything particular, but just to hear her voice. To feel her presence next to him, and to know that she wanted him there with her. Penny, out of anyone he’d ever known, was the only person Sheldon could confidently say had actually desired his presence, and now she wanted nothing to do with him.

And he was not handling that well, not at all.

Dr. Gablehauser had been pleased to set him up with his sister, a favor to them both he’d called it, much to Sheldon’s chagrin. He’d met Mariana Gablehauser once before, and she was… she was pretty, brunette and tall like himself, an academic if not a little flighty. On the evening of the charity event at CalTech, Sheldon escorted her in a hired car, dressed sedately in a grey suit that he didn’t particularly like wearing. Mariana was… she was fine, but nothing like Penny. Sheldon didn’t want to compare the two women, as there was hardly anything to compare. He didn’t want academic, he realized as they chugged through traffic towards campus. He wanted wit, and smiles, and banter…

Lord, what had he done? And to think, for the last fifteen minutes Mariana Gablehauser had been speaking and he’d not processed a word of it.

They entered campus; the bulk of the party located in the lofty atrium. People milled about and music was being played from speakers placed in various locations. Mariana purchased them a couples-only raffle ticket, although he detested the idea. It was far too similar to gambling, in his opinion. Thankfully, now that they were among the crowd, Sheldon could hardly be expected to make conversation with his date. She expressed a wish to take a look at the buffet table and Sheldon supposed it would be a good thing to feed the woman at least.

But then they bumped into Leonard, Penny on his arm, and none of them said a word to one another. They awkwardly hovered near one another, Leonard looking completely out of his element and Penny doing a good job at not making eye contact.

“Ooh look, vegan cheese!” Dr. Mariana pointed giddily to the buffet table, tugging on Sheldon’s arm obnoxiously. Sheldon grit his teeth almost painfully, not only did he have to be near Penny but he also had to deal with this woman on his arm.  
  
“Perhaps people with dietary restrictions should learn to live without instead of forcing the rest of the world to witness their culinary abominations,” Sheldon sneered in response, garnering nothing but silent stares from the three other people standing around him. He tried to keep his eyes away from Penny, but they kept straying back of their own accord. He didn’t want to acknowledge that he saw her, he didn’t want to acknowledge that she hung off of Leonard’s arm either, but here was fate (_pah_) attempting to mock him.

“Not a fan of vegans?” Mariana inquired, her smile wavering. “I know some vegans can be a little touchy, but most of us…”  
  
“Are complete imbeciles,” Sheldon finished her sentence for her, feeling her posture tense next to him. “Do you honestly believe it is at all possible to live a lifestyle in a modern city such as Los Angeles and not consume animal products? Perhaps one of the most egregious oversights of this _personal_ _philosophy_,” he scoffed, “is that this city, and all cities like it, were built by displacing the creatures whose habitat this naturally was.” He looked down at his date, desperate to forget who was standing just a few feet away from him.

“I never thought…” Mariana frowned, letting her sentence trail off.

“Yes, clearly,” he remarked mulishly.

Penny, inserting herself into the conversation, put her hand on Mariana Gablehauser’s arm, a kind smile on her lips.

“Don’t mind him,” she said. “He’s just pedantic for no reason sometimes.” The kind mannered way in which she mocked him sent his hackles up. Sheldon turned sharply towards his former… paramour.

And lord, he didn’t want to stop looking at her.

Penny was resplendent in her finery. She was dressed to the nines, silky dress, delicate shoes. Her eye makeup, or whatever sort of feminine sorcery she employed, made the look dark and mysterious. Her lips were a deep red, set in a mocking smirk that said “yeah, you heard me.” Everything about her was attractive, beautiful even. Not her day to day, natural-born attractiveness that charmed him, but attractiveness that was so prepared, so sculpted that it appeared effortless.

Sheldon hated that it wasn’t for him.

“Well, if it isn’t Penny the high school dropout,” he intoned icily. “Enjoying the _free_ food?”

Penny obviously bristled, standing up straighter, eyes blazing with fury, yet her smile stayed on her lips.

“Oh yeah, it’s great,” she replied easily, grabbing a canope off of a platter and delicately taking a bite. “And it was college dropout, not high school.”

“Sheldon…” Leonard edged in, a warning glance between them “Why don’t you introduce me to your date?”

Not taking the bait, Sheldon continued to lock eyes with Penny. “She’s Gablehauser’s sister, as you well know, Leonard.”

Crossing her arms, Mariana frowned. “I’m a professor at CalArts, I’m not _just_ his sister…”

“And you’re a vegan?” Penny asked quickly. “That’s cool, I’ve always thought about being vegan… I was vegetarian for a while.”

That had Sheldon laughing outright. “Penny, you were no more a vegetarian than I am the queen of England. You can also hardly call wrastlin’ livestock the habit of a woman who strives towards veganism, either.”

Penny put her hands on her hips, letting go of Leonard and sending blazing fury up to Sheldon. “You don’t always have to get a word in edgewise, you know. Not everyone needs to hear your every _little_ thought.”

“Yes, well, I will cease stating my observations when you cease dressing like a red-light district streetwalker,” Sheldon cut back quickly, feeling heat in his cheeks and nervous anger nearly boiling over.

Penny stepped back as if burnt by his words, and Sheldon’s satisfaction at winning their tete-a-tete was short-lived. Her eyes were misted with angry tears as she turned on her heel to abandon their small, unintentional gathering.

“Not cool, Sheldon.” Leonard frowned, turning away from them as well and following after Penny like a lost puppy.

Mariana dropped her hand from his arm and turned to look at him, her brows drawn up to her hairline. “Friends of yours?”

“Of a sort,” Sheldon replied softly, feeling the weight of his interaction with Penny weigh him down into the floor. Lord, he’d… why had he acted like that?

“You’re… you’re an ass,” Mariana decided finally, hands on her hips. “And I’m hungry, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have some vegan brie.” She turned on her heel then and stormed off, through the crowd of hungry academics, and not a moment too soon. He didn’t care that his date had just run off, all he cared about was if Penny would ever forgive him.

Determined, Sheldon straightened up and looked around the room, his only goal finding Penny and… well, the rest would come to him when he found her.

-

Penny stopped walking once the crowd of partygoers was thick enough that Leonard couldn’t see Sheldon any longer, and he probably couldn’t see them. She’d braced her hands on a table, grabbing a champagne flute and downing it. 

Leonard gently laid a hand on her shoulder, feeling a pang of regret. Ever since he’d inducted Penny into his social circle she’d been frequently subjected to hurt and censure, from his friends, from his colleagues, his family, and of course… Leonard could admit it now, now that so much time had passed since their breakup, even from himself. Now she was getting hurt again, and it still felt like his own fault. Not only because of that, but Sheldon too. Leonard felt the instinctual urge to apologize for Sheldon’s behavior, like he’d been doing for years, but he didn’t think Penny would appreciate it, especially considering she probably knew Sheldon better than he did nowadays, as baffling as that seemed.

“He doesn’t mean to say stuff like that, you know,” Leonard began, trying not to defend Sheldon but honestly not knowing what else to say. “I truly don’t think he realizes just how harsh he can be sometimes.”

“That’s no excuse, is it?” Penny grabbed a cocktail napkin from the table and softly blew her nose. “What’s done is done, and it doesn’t matter if he realizes it or not, I still feel _shitty_.”

“Oh, Penny…” Leonard wanted to hug her, fold her into his arms, but it wasn’t his place. No, instead Penny shrugged off his hand and began to look around the room full of tipsy professors.

“I… I just…” Penny wiped her eye, careful of her makeup. “I need to find some air, or something.”

“Do you want me to…?” Leonard began, only to have Penny wave him off dismissively.

“No, I need to be alone.”

Leonard tried not to feel the sting, but it still came. It came even when he knew he had no right to feel jealous over her painfully _obvious_ thing with Sheldon, or that it seemed he would never be her shoulder to cry on again. Instead, he let himself feel it, let it pass, and nodded his understanding to Penny. That’s all he could give her now; all she would ever accept.

And Leonard had to be okay with that.

Penny ambled off to a random side corridor, heading towards the direction of the offices, her purse in hand as she looked for her compact mirror. Leonard looked around but saw no sign of Sheldon. Part of Leonard was glad, he really didn’t want Sheldon upsetting Penny again, but deep down he knew that Sheldon’s best option was to apologize, and fast. If he didn’t, well, he clearly didn’t know what he was losing out on if he screwed this up even more with Penny.

Leonard shook his head sadly; he couldn’t think about the love lives of his friends any longer. Instead, he should consider more pressing matters, like that vegan brie cheese they had at the buffet table…  
  
It was while Leonard was sampling said dairy-free cheese that she approached him.

“You get ditched by your date too?” the woman asked kindly. It was, oh, what was her name, Mariana? Where was Sheldon?

“Yeah, well…” Leonard adjusted his glasses, suddenly feeling very fidgety. “Kind of, but we weren’t really…”

“Oh.” Mariana Gablehauser nodded. “A friend-date sort of situation.”

“Something like that,” Leonard agreed, awkwardly chuckling at the end of his sentence. God, he was socially inept.

“I, well…” Mariana then stuck out her hand between them. “Nice to meet you again, I’m…”

“Mariana, I know,” Leonard replied stupidly, instantly feeling like a creep. Her eyebrows rose in surprise, but Leonard took her hand anyway, shaking it vigorously. “I… I only know because I work under Eric…”

“Oh, in the physics department!” She then stilled her hand, bringing his unnecessarily shaking to a stop. “So that’s how you know Dr. Cooper… I have to ask, is he always so…?”

“Distracted?” Leonard hazarded to guess.

“No, I was going to say, ‘always such an ass’, but that too.” Mariana chuckled uneasily. She was still holding his hand.

Leonard released her hand slowly, wiping his palm on his slacks. “I don’t think it has anything to do with you. I bet you’re, uh, very charming.”

Mariana only rolled her eyes.

“No, I’m serious,” Leonard continued. “Sheldon probably was only such a lousy date because he’s kind of in love with my friend-date. They broke up or something, I’m not quite sure.”

“Wow,” Mariana breathed. “What drama, a love triangle and everything. I feel a little better now.”

“Eh, nothing so dramatic, but I’m glad you’re feeling better. Seriously, any guy would…” Leonard let his sentence hang off, awkwardly coughing to cover for his aborted words.

“What was your name?” Mariana asked, sidling up to him.

“Leonard Hofstadter…” Leonard answered her with wide eyes.

“Well… only couples can enter the charity raffle, and I still have my ticket… Wanna team up?” She had an adorable glint in her eye.

“S-sure.” And Leonard allowed himself to be led away on the arm of his beautiful new date. He only hoped Sheldon would wise up and go apologize to Penny.

-

He heard the sniffles before he entered the hallway.

Shoulder leaned against the wall, exposed expanse of her back facing him, was Penny. Sheldon’s fingers itched to touch that which her dress could not conceal, though his motivation for following his tenuous paramour was more than that. He… he’d upset her.

And for one of the first times in his life, Sheldon truly regretted what he’d said.

“Penny…” he murmured softly, the din of the party obscuring the concern in his voice.

Penny shifted on her heels, and Sheldon almost felt compelled to look to the movement. He wanted to look down, chastened like a child, but he needed to persevere. She needed to see his regret.

But Penny did not turn around.

“Just go away Sheldon,” Penny replied roughly, clearly swiping at her tears. He’d truly made her cry with his horrible comment.

“Penny, _please_…” He was not above begging her any longer. He would beg on his knees if he could have reasonable confirmation that the floors were clean. “My comments were…” What could he say? He didn’t know how to apologize appropriately in this situation. “Uncalled for.”

Penny rubbed at her eyes again, then turned swiftly towards him. Her eyes were red and streaked with eye makeup, her dark lips drawn down.

“Uncalled for?” she asked in disbelief, voice raising. Sheldon had to hold back from flinching.

Then she laughed coldly. “Uncalled for was foisting me on my ex just because you couldn’t man up and admit we’d been seeing each other, but what you said… that was way past uncalled for, Sheldon.”

“I know,” he agreed quickly. “I… I don’t know what words to use to stop you from being so upset.”

“Stop me from being upset?” Her voice took on a shrill tone that made Sheldon wince. “I have every right to be upset, Sheldon!”

“I… that’s not what I meant. I mean only that I don’t wish to distress you,” Sheldon replied softly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Well,” Penny looked down at the floor, deflating. “Well you did distress me, so just go back to your date. Miss probably has two degrees or whatever.”

“It’s only two master’s degrees,” Sheldon scoffed, stepping forward. At Penny’s stricken expression, Sheldon pushed on. “I cannot return to her, regardless. She ran off and I have no wish to follow her.”

“Scare her off?” Penny laughed weakly, rubbing at her eyes.

“Evidently…” he agreed, gritting his teeth.

They stood in silence as the party continued without them, music filling the hall just one corridor over from them. They could hear numbers being called by the MC, the raffle was happening.

“Your dress does not make you look like a streetwalker, it looks… quite attractive on you,” Sheldon murmured awkwardly.

“Why did you say that, earlier I mean?” Penny stepped closer, looking at him closely. A thought seemed to dawn on her, and she smiled. That secretive smile that usually meant trouble.

Sheldon’s dick twitched. Lord, this woman…

“Were you _jealous_?” Penny nearly purred, placing her hand on his chest. He could feel the heat of her hand through the layer of his cotton oxford shirt. The whiplash of emotions was beginning to make Sheldon feel dizzy. How could this woman go from distraught damsel to seductress in a split-second?

“I… I would never wish to admit to such a base emotio-.“ Sheldon almost choked, as her hand snaked up his neck and her fingers latched onto the short hairs at the base of his skull.

Tugging his head back, Penny asked again, an edge to her voice. “Were you jealous?”

“_Yes_,” he admitted, gasping as her harsh handling sent pulses of pleasure down to his toes and back.

Seemingly satisfied, Penny pressed herself against him, wrapping her other arm around his torso. “Oh, Sheldon, for the smartest man in the world, you sure can be stupid…”

“I’m…” he gasped, flexing his fingers against her sides, feeling the silky material of the dress. Her comment filled him with pride, if not also confusion. What did this mean? Where they back together? “I’m not the smartest man in the world.”

“Humility doesn’t suit you, Sheldon…” Penny laughed sensually, pulling his head down to her so she could kiss the shell of his ear.

“Alright, I’m within the top-“ Sheldon stuttered, feeling one of her hands dip lower and slide into the pocket of his slacks, grabbing a handful of his ass. “Top three.” They were _most definitely_ back together.

“That’s more like it,” Penny whispered, and Sheldon knew that if she said any more he would be lost.

But just like Penny, she was ready to push.

“Show me your big…” Penny ground against him, the strap of her dress falling off one shoulder as she moved. “Ego.”

“_Penny_,” Sheldon gasped, losing all sense of restraint. He grabbed her tightly in his arms and thrust them both against the wall, slipping between her thighs like clockwork. The material of Penny’s dress rode up her legs, bunching up in his grasp. He needed her, a desperation overcoming him that he’d never known before. Sheldon dipped his lips down, desperate to feel Penny against him, and he was rewarded with thankful swiftness. Penny tilted her head up, sucking on his lower lip as she reached for his fly. The moment Sheldon heard the clank of his belt buckle it was as if he was jolted awake, like he’d been sleepwalking since the fateful day of his ridiculous decision to hide their affair.

“Penny… are you sure…” he struggled to protest, partially due to the attack of Penny’s lips, but mostly because he did not wish to protest at all. “Are you sure this is a wise place to…”

His answer was the feel of Penny’s soft hand gripping his shaft, bringing him forth from his slacks.

“Here…” Penny was moving him, jerking her hand along his dick and positioning herself. “On the windowsill.”

“On the_ windowsill_…!” Sheldon groaned, eyes hooded and barely cognizant of Penny’s movements. She seated herself atop a windowsill and pulled him forward, rucking her dress up even further until all he could see were the lovely stretches of her naked thighs and the scrap of fabric separating him from the place he most wanted to be.

Penny pushed her sensible panties to one side, beckoning him enter her with the insistent pull of her heels, which were now dug into his backside.

“Penny…” Sheldon was at a loss. He did not have a condom, they were ten feet from a party full of his coworkers, seated on a _window_…

“No time,” she seemed to read his mind, lining the head of his erection up and edging him closer.

“Penny…” At the very least the blinds to the window were shut, lest students or party-goers walk by and see him rutting into his blonde temptress… Lord, why did that excite him _more_?

“Fuck me, please,” she was urging him, her eyes looking up at him, bright green in the dim light of the unused hallway, her arms wrapped soundly around his shoulders.

He could do nothing but comply. As her heat encompassed him, he knew it had not been a mistake. It had been far too long.

“Yes, yes, Penny…” Sheldon dropped his head to her shoulder, lips pressed to her neck as he began the dance she taught him, holding tense fistfuls of her gown. They’d never done it like this, in this primal and desperate way. There had always been some level of control, but now, Sheldon knew neither of them was in control.

“Did you miss me?” Penny asked breathily, kissing along his neck and squeezing her channel tight. Sheldon couldn’t help but buck harder against her, feeling the resistance of her cervix and the peak of her restrained cries.

“Yes, I-I did…” Sheldon could hardly string his words together, though they be truth. He had missed her, her body, the pleasure she gave him but… but so much more than that, he missed _her_. Penny, his Penny. Unapologetically crass, beautifully arresting, _Penny_.

_“…and prize four goes to couple… nineteen! Nineteen? Where is couple nineteen?”_ they could hear the MC from the other room, and Penny gasped, squeezing the life out of him.

“God, Sheldon, that’s my… ticket number…” She threw her head back, mussed hair falling free from her carefully styled pins. “Sheldon, you’re going to make me come…!”

Sheldon moaned, biting his lip and grasping onto Penny’s thighs. She was going to orgasm, he could feel it, and it was going to send him over the edge too. He’d never, they’d never done it this way before. They were safe, he knew, as he regularly saw Penny’s birth control schedule on her refrigerator, but it didn’t dampen the sudden and primal desire to simply… fill her. It made the back of Sheldon’s neck shiver, his thighs clench tightly as he naturally attempted to stave off release.

“_Sheldon_…!” Penny’s legs tightened around his waist, her nails scoring his back, blunted through his blazer. “Yes!” she gasped loudly, the vice of her heat tugging him along with her as if he were leashed.

“Oh, _oh_…!” Sheldon thought himself to be moaning, completely oblivious to the entire world but Penny’s body and his.

“That’s it, sweetie…” Penny murmured breathily, petting his hair as she wrung every possible pleasure from his body.

The world seemed to come back to Sheldon one piece at a time as he gasped for breath. The patterned carpet in the hallway, the music from the other room as the MC shouted into a microphone, the feel of Penny’s soft hands as she caressed him. They stood together, for just a moment, reveling in their togetherness after being apart.

“I’m,” Sheldon breathed deeply, his senses overwhelmed with the scent of Penny’s green apple shampoo that he thought he’d never smell again. “I’m very sorry.”

“For what?” Penny half-giggled, shifting as they slowly disentangled themselves.

“For concealing our relationship for no reason other than my own anxiety, and for taking out my…” Sheldon grit his teeth but continued. “My jealousy on you.”

Penny smoothed down her dress and attempted to pin her hair back up but could hardly manage anything close to what it looked like before. With a sweet, sly smile that only Penny could muster, she took his hand. “Apology accepted.”

As presentable as they were ever going to be without access to a mirror, Penny slipped her arm confidently through Sheldon’s and lead them across the dance floor, past groups of his coworkers and other faculty who all seemingly stopped to watch them pass. Half the physics department was gawking at them as they passed by, all in varying states of shock. Howard dropped dip from his chip halfway to his mouth as he gaped, and Leonard only raised his glass and smiled mildly, turning quickly to… to Mariana. Well, thank god that was neatly wrapped up. All the while, Penny was the epitome of radiance, making small talk to him that both of them knew wasn’t important enough to pay attention to, just to fill up the awkward space as they made their great escape. At the check out table, Sheldon collected their coats, and Penny slapped her raffle ticket on the table for the shocked undergrad who’d been roped into prize duty. Back straight, smile wide, with a hickey proudly visible on her neck, Penny demanded their prize. Movie tickets, it was a nice enough prize, but Sheldon loved Penny for her gall to even ask for it as they’d been copulating like wild beasts as it had been presented on stage.

She was poised and shameless, and she was his.

In the taxi ride home, Penny patted him on the knee, smiling up at him with that sly quirk of her lips he adored so much.

“Let’s go home, huh?” she asked coyly, winking at him.

“Yes,” he agreed, lacing his fingers with hers. “Let’s.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to finish this up quicker than I did, but better late than never I suppose. Enjoy!


End file.
